She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize