She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
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IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
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Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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