im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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