I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
