True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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