I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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