I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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