Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
