So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
