I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
