the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
