walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
