Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
