Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
