normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
