She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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