She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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