Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
