At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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