Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
