I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
