Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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