theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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