i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
