oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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