So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I will be naked everywhere
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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