GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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