you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
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i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
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Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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