Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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