my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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