im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
