Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
