seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
