Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
