Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
