Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
