Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
