I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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