This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
