the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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