i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
