i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
