Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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