So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
