I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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