I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
