Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize