Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
