I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Actions speak louder than pants.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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