I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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