there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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