I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
