guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
