Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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