What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
