I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I party with great urgency now.
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