Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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