if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
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I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
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I need dunkaroos back in my life.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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