I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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